An Unexpected Turn
As you may have noticed, life has the tendency to surprise us with unexpected twists and turns. I had another one of those last autumn when I was about to roll up my sleeves and dig into the 3rd semester of the doctorate signifying the start the second module of the study programme.
It was August 2012 and the contract for another study year was signed and posted. I was determined to go ahead. ‘Ahead’ is a good word in this connection, because it was only my head wanting this. In late august I sat down with my laptop to start working on the next piece to be written. My mind was already at work but my hands and arms would not lift. I froze discovering that my body would not respond to my mental urge to study. I slowly realized that I had no strength left. I was exhausted... from the constant study pressure, from my father’s illness and recovery, and from a multitude of other challenging life circumstances. I had no alternative but to take a break and take time off from studying!
The autumn felt like it moved slowly and quickly at the same time. It felt mildly uncomfortable not being part of the group I had been for two years knowing they would proceed with their projects and I could'nt. During the long winter evenings I sought mostly other sources of inspiration than the academic to help myself. Music has always been a universe of relief and recovery for me, and I deeply thank the musicians and artist that have created and performed songs and music for me to sink into whenever I need. An integrated part of recovering for me has been to sing and find ways to express my emotions through singing. This is a continuous and ongoing journey which slowly is developing. Singing challenges in a good way as well as it heals.
We’re now in mid March 2013 and in the last few weeks, a renewed interest and curiosity has emerged linked to my future research. I have even had flashes of feeling that I miss studying. It feels a bit weird when I see myself writing this considering how exhausted I’ve been, but it’s true, I miss digging deeper into the topic that fascinates me and I miss the joyful feeling that accompanies having new insights and making discoveries.
So here we go... I look so much forward to visiting London again this summer, connecting with my peers again and jumping on the DPsych train with destination: Dissertation 2015.
Enjoy your Easter Holiday.
To be continued..